The Reason Sarah Silverman Wants to Legislate Male Masturbation

May 26th 2016

Aimee Kuvadia

Every time a man masturbates, he is killing living, breathing, smelling sperm. At least that's the logic comedian Sarah Silverman is using to justify why she thinks male politicians should take a break from enacting laws about what women can do with their bodies and legislate male self-gratification instead.

During a recent stand-up set at the Brooklyn Academy of Music, Silverman joked:

"Here’s something that I learned that is fascinating, and it’s this: Scientists have found that sperms cells smell. Like I know sperm smells, but sperm cells have the sense of smell, and you know what that means: Sperm is life. And you know what that means: We’ve gotta legislate that shit."

She went on to propose a measure aimed at men that would counter laws in some states requiring women to view an ultrasound of their fetus before going through with an abortion. The comedian quipped that before men reach their hand down their pants, they should be forced to look at an ultrasound of their testicles.

She said:

“What we’ll do is — it’s a real simple procedure. We take a really long needle-like basically GoPro camera and we put it down your penis hole, urethra … then down into your testicular sack. We’re going to show you the ultrasound, so you can see the life in your balls.”

Anti-abortion laws in the United States.

Thirty-six percent of Americans believe abortion should be permitted under certain circumstances, whereas 29 percent believe it should be summarily available. The percentage of Americans who would like to see the procedure banned is 19 percent. Many states have increased regulations on abortion clinics, resulting in a decline of these kinds of facilities. Mississippi, Utah, North Dakota, and South Dakota each house only one clinic.

Like Silverman, "Last Week Tonight" host John Oliver isn't pleased about the state of women's reproductive rights in the United States. In a segment on the country's abortion laws, he talked about the alleged reasoning behind the push to regulate the procedure: women's health and safety. Except, that isn't really an issue, because the mortality rate for legal abortions is a measly .00073%, which, he says, is commensurate to death by colonoscopy.

"When you’re that insistent about women’s health it starts to sound suspicious," he says. "It’s like having a folder on your computer called ‘Definitely Not Porn.’ You’re not fooling anyone.”