LGBT Couples With Kids Are Tired of These Questions

April 26th 2017

Shonitria Anthony

The American family is evolving, and with that change comes alternative ways of parenting and different family structures that are a far cry from the "Leave it to Beaver" norms of yesteryear.

More people than ever are identifying as multiracial, and interracial coupling is more common than ever. And that's not the only thing that's changing; the legalization of same-sex marriage by the U.S. Supreme Court in June 2015 has also had an impact on the typical American family not looking not-so-typical.


Not long before the Supreme Court ruling, "support for same-sex marriage" went up from "37 percent in 2009 to 57 percent in May 2015," according to Pew Research Center polling. But that's not all.

"An estimated 37 percent of LGBT-identified adults have had a child at some time in their lives. An estimated 3 million LGBT Americans have had a child and as many as 6 million American children and adults have an LGBT parent," according to The Williams Institute 2013 report.

And despite hurtful stereotypes, families with same same-sex parents are really no different than "traditional" ones.

After identifying 79 scholarly studies on LGBT parenting, researchers at Columbia Law School found that "75 concluded that children of gay or lesbian parents fare no worse than other children."


ATTN: spoke with LGBT parents about the one question they have been asked that they think no one should ever ask, again.

Josh and Britt Pitre have been together for nine years and married in 2014. They have a 2-year-old son.

Pitre family

The Pitres' son is biracial and aside from hearing people claim they "saved" the toddler by adopting him because they're white, which Josh told ATTN: he dismisses, there's another question he found even more out of place.

"What's his story?"

It was a question someone asked him once in regards to his son. "We responded with telling them that he just started saying, 'hi,' he knows his colors, and he just started saying words," he said, disregarding the intrusiveness of the question. He went on to explain how he's perceived differently when out with his son as opposed to how his husband is usually approached.

"I’m a flaming homosexual and my husband is not. And he will be holding him and people will say, 'your wife must be beautiful,'" he said. "If I'm holding him people will be like, 'oh, you adopted.'" While those sorts of comments may seem offensive, he takes it stride, adding that there's another question that often gets under their skin:

"What about his mother?"

But the couple isn't always faced with intrusive questions; Josh detailed an incident at Target in which a woman offered to help him and his husband with hair care for their son by giving tips on what product to use for textured hair and when to apply it.

"I just think this is another type of family, and I don't think this is going to affect him at all, that’s all that matters is having two people who love him," he said. "We, as a gay couple, do the same things straight couples do, and we have straight couples around him that love him. I have a niece the same age as my son and watching them as a kid... they don’t see any difference."

Chelene and Joi Hawk have been together for seven years and married for three. They have a 16-year-old daughter, 15-year-old son and 1-year-old daughter.

Hawk family

Chelene told ATTN: there's a few questions she has heard from strangers and people she knows but there's one that really irks her: "That’s one thing we just can’t stand at all. 'How does it work?' Like 'who is the mom and who is the dad?' Nobody. It’s just two moms." She also mentioned that often times when they go out people assume that her wife is the aunt of their kids.

“Who is the dad?”

But sometimes, these questions come in the form of well-meaning societal assumptions, like their daughter being a daddy's girl. "Constantly, when I’m at doctors appointments, and they’ll say, 'you’re probably a daddy's girl.' I get tired of correcting people, and they just say what they want. It's just a habit you have, and I can’t fault you for that," she said.

But some comments definitely cross the line.

"I have had people tell my kids you're going to hell because your parents are lesbians," she said, adding that she reconciled this with her kids by explaining to them that unfortunately, "there are a lot of mean people out there."

In spite of it all, Chelene said that she still remains positive. However, she also draws a very clear line when it comes to invasive questions: "You don’t have to tell anyone anything about your family that you don’t want them to know."