Health

Sex Therapist Destroys a Pervasive Justification for Stalking

January 3rd 2017

By:
Mike Rothschild

Ex-lovers Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran recently engaged in a messy spat on social media Tuesday, which can be classified as juicy gossip at first glance. But a sex therapist just broke down why their feud illustrates some of the reasons people do or don't stay in abusive relationships, as well as the justification often times used by possessive abusers.

Brown, who was charged with felony assault for attacking singer Rihanna in 2009, apparently broke up with the actress-model in 2012, and then, again, several years later. The two have continued feuding in public, with other figures getting involved at times. 

Sex therapist Raquel Savage tweeted Tuesday to explain that sexually motived intentions, as gossip blogs have speculated about the R&B singer's interest in his old flame, do not change anything when a man is stalking a woman.

Savage points out that trying to keep a woman in a relationship that she wants to leave because of her sexual prowess isn't a compliment - it's abuse that blames the victim for being abused.

Savage then goes on to point out that men don't generally understand the risks women take when leaving an abusive relationship - and why it might actually be safer to go back to the man, as several of Brown's partners have during his career.

She's also careful to state that while many women stay with abusers for financial reasons, that's not the only reason some women continue to stay with abusive men.

As a result of Savage speaking out about the former celebrity couple in her vaguely controversial Twitter thread, she wrote that she started to receive abusive and misogynist messages.  

But she wrote that she also received a number of positive responses online from people that added depth and detail to her observations. Savage said that some online users began to share with her their own personal stories of the difficulty of leaving abusive relationships, and of getting others to believe that their partner could be an abuser.

While Brown's aggressive behavior toward Tran will likely be written off as another meaningless celebrity feud, the danger faced by women online and in-person because of abusive and controlling men is very real - and totally unjustified.